The Spectator

“I'm a Christian, just as much as you.
But listen to what I say, don't watch what I do.
Don't ask me to serve, not so much as an inch.
I'd rather stay over here, warming this bench.”

“Please know that I'm watching every move that you make.
And I'll be happy to point out each and every mistake.
I'll catch every tune you get wrong and every word that you botch.
But don't you dare ask for my help, I'd much rather watch.”

“In praying for the sick you forgot to mention my name.
I shouldn't be surprised, last week was the same.
I'd speak up if I didn't think it would all be in vain.
But I won't. After all, you'll never hear me complain.”

“Now they've asked for some help in cleaning the lot.
I suppose I could, if it wasn't so hot.
A few months ago they needed help with some tracts to fold.
I thought about helping then, but it was a little too cold.”

“Now they're looking for men to serve in the public worship service.
They know I'll be put out if asked and that makes them a little nervous.
After all, I give this church my money and I give it my time.
What more could they want? But you'll never hear me whine

“Of course, I want to go to heaven. That's what it's all about.
And of the fact that I'll go I have very little doubt.
They say we'll be singing beautiful songs divine.
I just hope they don't expect me to sing the entire time.”